Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
