Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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