he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
