I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You were trust falling into bushes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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