I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
