One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are leaves in my underwear?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
