We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
