1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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