whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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