so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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