I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
