I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
