when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
