How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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