I'm lost and stupid without you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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