why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
