He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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