You're so nebulous sometimes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she looked like the before picture.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
