I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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