do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
