Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
