Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need to align my fucking chakras
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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