we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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