direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
