I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
