if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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