There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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