And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
