i just had sex bonerless
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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