I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
