I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
