The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
