I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
