I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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