Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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