guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My vagina is very pro this idea
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