Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
