i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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