He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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