So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
