O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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