I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
