If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
