the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
