ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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