You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
