i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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