my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
