Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
