At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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