marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
