I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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