Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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