porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
