It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
