Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
