i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
