obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
