Only a mothe r could love this liver
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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