pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
