I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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