A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
